Does your child hold it together all day at school, then show some really big emotions the moment they get home?
If so, you're not alone — and more importantly, this is completely normal.
Why does it happen?
School asks a huge amount of children. From the moment they arrive, they're managing expectations, navigating new routines, and dealing with a whole range of sensory experiences — an itchy uniform, a noisy classroom, bright displays on every wall. It can be a lot; unsettling and anxious, though exciting, all at the same time. Plus, as adults we all know how exhausting it can be adjusting to something new. Your child is overwhelmed.
And through all of it, children hold it together. They sit quietly, they do their best, they behave. Most likely no shouting or screaming or kicking - they genuinely want to do the right thing. But that takes an enormous amount of energy.
By the time they get home, they're done.
They've used every last bit of their energy and resources getting through the day. Now they're in their safe space — at home with you — and they finally don't have to hold it in anymore. They're not quite coping, and they want you to know, so they let it all out, in the biggest way they know how.
If your child saves their biggest emotions for home, it's actually a compliment - it's a sign that they feel safe with you. You are their safe space. They know — even if they can't say it — that you will love them no matter what.
So what can you do to help?
There are a few things that can make a real difference:
1. Show them what's happening in their day.
Uncertainty adds to anxiety. The less a child has to worry about what's coming next, the more energy they have for everything else. A visual timetable is a brilliant way to do this — it takes away the element of surprise and helps children feel more in control before the school day has even begun.
2. Help them build their emotional understanding.
Children cope better with big feelings when they can recognise and name them. Talking about emotions little and often — even through books or play — helps them build that understanding over time.
3. Stay calm.
This one isn't always easy, especially when your child is angry. But they need to borrow your calm. When you stay steady, you show them that everything is okay — that they're safe, they're loved, and you understand.
All emotions are welcome. It's not okay to kick or hit, but it is absolutely okay to feel angry — that's a completely normal emotion. Try redirecting that energy somewhere safe: hitting a cushion, squeezing a stress ball, or bouncing a basketball outside.
You'll get through this together.
Starting school is a steep learning curve — for children and parents alike. But this stage does pass. If you can stay calm, your child will gradually learn your calm too.
